5 Signs Your Boyfriend Has Anger Issues (And How to Help)
Please note: our blog posts are solely informational and are not meant to replace individualized therapeutic advice or healthcare.
Disclaimer: All people experience anger, regardless of gender. This post specifically addresses a common scenario we encounter, using the term "boyfriend" and he/him/his pronouns for illustrative purposes. However, it's important to recognize that anger issues can affect anyone, regardless of gender identity.
Anger is a natural human emotion.
But what happens when it becomes frequent and uncontrollable?
If you're concerned that your boyfriend has anger issues, it might be time to consider whether therapy could help.
What Qualifies As “Anger Issues?”
Anger issues, often referred to as "problem anger" or "anger management problems," are characterized by frequent, intense anger that is disproportionate to the situation at hand.
While occasional anger is normal, anger issues involve patterns of behaviour that interfere with daily life and relationships.
Integrative Therapist Willis Atherley-Bourne (BA, MA) outlines some common signs of anger issues, including:
Hurting others (physically or verbally)
Being angered by small and/or petty things
Getting angry over the same thing over and over again
Breaking objects around you
Becoming particularly angry after drinking alcohol
Feeling physical symptoms like headaches, heart palpitations, sweating and anxious feelings
5 Signs Your Boyfriend Has Anger Issues (And How to Help)
Now that you know a little bit more about what constitutes anger issues (compared to normal angry feelings every now and then), let’s look deeper into whether your boyfriend has anger issues (and what you can do about it).
1. He Worries Excessively.
You might find that your boyfriend is constantly worried about things like work, finances, or health issues, even when there's no immediate threat.
This worrying can lead to heightened stress levels, which may manifest as irritability or anger.
Excessive worrying is often a sign of underlying anxiety, which can contribute to feelings of anger and frustration. Therapy may help your boyfriend explore the root causes of his anxiety and develop coping strategies to manage it more effectively.
2. He is Constantly Irritable.
Perhaps you find your boyfriend gets easily annoyed or angered by minor inconveniences, like traffic jams or misplaced items. The important part here is that his irritability seems disproportionate to the situation and affects his mood and interactions with others.
Chronic irritability can be a symptom of unresolved anger issues. Therapy may help your boyfriend identify the underlying triggers of his irritability and learn healthier ways to express and manage his emotions.
3. He Shows Avoidance Behaviour.
If you find your boyfriend avoids discussing important issues or conflicts in your relationship, he might have anger issues. You might find he tries to change the subject or withdraw from the conversation completely.
This avoidance can lead to unresolved conflicts and pent-up feelings of anger.
Avoidance behaviour is often a coping mechanism for managing anger or conflict. Therapy may help your boyfriend understand why he avoids certain topics and develop more effective communication skills to address issues constructively.
4. He Shows Excessive Self-Criticism.
Or, you might find your boyfriend is overly critical of himself, often blaming himself for things that are beyond his control.
This self-criticism can lead to feelings of anger and frustration toward himself and others.
Excessive self-criticism can contribute to feelings of anger and low self-esteem. Therapy may help your boyfriend challenge his negative self-talk and develop more self-compassion and acceptance.
5. He Has Difficulty Relaxing.
Your boyfriend finds it hard to unwind and relax, even when he has time to do so. He may be constantly on edge or restless, which can be a sign of underlying stress or anxiety.
Difficulty relaxing can be a sign that your boyfriend is struggling with underlying stress or anxiety, which can contribute to feelings of anger.
Therapy, combined with relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness, may help him manage these feelings more effectively.
If you recognize these signs in your boyfriend, it may be helpful to gently suggest the idea of therapy as a way to address his anger issues and improve your relationship.
How to Deal with a Boyfriend That Has Anger Issues
We’ve talked already about how certain tactics like therapy or meditation could help a boyfriend who has anger issues. But ultimately, it’s up to him to take these matters into his own hands.
So, what can you do?
Set Personal Boundaries
It's important to establish and maintain personal boundaries to protect yourself from emotional or physical harm. However, in situations involving domestic violence, setting boundaries can be extremely challenging and may not always be possible. Survivors of domestic violence often prioritize their safety above all else, which may mean adapting to the abuser's demands to avoid escalation.
If you believe you are experiencing domestic violence or are unsure about your safety, it's important to seek help immediately. Domestic violence is a complex issue, and there is no shame in feeling unsure about how to move forward.
In Hamilton, Domestic Shelters may be able to provide support and resources for you.
Know When to Seek Help
Recognizing when professional help is necessary is crucial. If you feel like your boyfriend is controlling and has anger issues, encourage him to seek therapy.
A mental health professional can help him understand and manage his anger in a healthy way.
Provide Resources and Referrals
Offering resources and referrals for anger management programs can be a proactive step in addressing anger issues together and supporting a boyfriend who has anger issues.
You may even suggest couples therapy to help him navigate his anger management with you by his side. Book a free consultation with Access Therapy to start your first step!
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do I know if my boyfriend's anger issues are serious enough to require therapy?
If you feel your boyfriend has anger management issues enough to significantly impact his daily life, and relationships, or causing harm to himself or others, it may be time to consider therapy. Signs include frequent outbursts, inability to control anger or physical aggression.
How can I talk to my boyfriend about his anger issues without making him defensive?
Offering support and seeking professional help together is a common step for couples dealing with anger issues.
What are some effective strategies for managing my own emotions when dealing with my boyfriend's anger?
We sometimes hear people say “my boyfriend has anger issues and blames me.” This can cause unnecessary stress in your daily life.
You might find that practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist is helpful. Remember that you are not responsible for your boyfriend's emotions, and it's important to prioritize your own mental health.
My boyfriend refuses to acknowledge his anger issues. What can I do?
You may offer to attend couples counselling or therapy together to address relationship issues, which may indirectly help him address his anger.
How long does it take to see improvement in someone with anger issues through therapy?
The timeline for improvement varies depending on the individual and the underlying causes of their anger. Consistently going to therapy and practicing coping skills may lead to positive changes over time.
