Do you and your partner struggle to get along?
Couples Therapy
Are You Disconnected From Your Partner?
Do you feel misunderstood or undervalued in your relationship? Maybe you’ve had to push your relationship with your partner to the backburner after having a child and this is taking its toll.
Have you and your partner had trouble coming together and realigning in your relationship vision lately?
Connectivity in relationships allows us to feel safe—yet the struggles of everyday life can disrupt that sense of connection. This is especially true for couples from marginalized backgrounds, partners within alternative relationship structures like consensual non-monogamy, or couples navigating challenging life transitions.
Misaligned or miscommunicated visions and values can lead to relationship ruptures, resentment and loneliness.
Many People Experience Loneliness In Relationships
If you feel like your partner doesn’t truly understand you, vulnerability might seem risky. Instead of sharing your thoughts and feelings, you keep your emotions bottled up - but this only pushes you further away from your partner and perpetuates the cycle. You might feel emotionally numb or become easily agitated, which fuels conflicts between you and your partner.
By reaching out for professional help, you can overcome these roadblocks to vulnerability in your relationship. With support from a therapist, you and your partner can get comfortable with being open and honest, deepening your understanding of each other’s needs and fostering a connection rooted in safety and trust.
Most Couples Will Eventually Run Into Some Sort Of Challenges
Lots Of Couples Struggle With Vulnerability
From the outside, it can seem like every other couple you know is doing just fine - but this isn’t necessarily true. In reality, 67% of couples experience lower relationship satisfaction for the first three years after welcoming a baby, and 32% of U.S. adults say that their ideal relationship is actually non-monogamous to some degree. In fact, so many couples struggle with issues like these that many of them choose to seek professional support at some point.
Approximately 50% of couples attend therapy at some point in their relationship.
Societal Expectations Can Negatively Affect Your Relationship
In addition to the interpersonal problems that all partners must cope with from time to time, some couples struggle to deal with societal prejudices against their relationships, making it harder to maintain a healthy connection with your spouse. 2SLGBTQIA+ couples or partners who are non-monogamous may feel like they have to hide their relationships, and they might have to overcome internalized shame because of other people’s biases.
Furthermore, our society discourages people in “caregiving” roles from taking time for themselves. Instead, they’re expected to be hyper-productive at all times while suppressing their own discomfort. This mentality can lead to burnout and resentment within their romantic relationships.
If you and your partner are both invested in repairing your relationship, you can heal your connection through couples counselling. By working with a therapist, you’ll have the opportunity to discuss your needs with your partner, ease into vulnerability, and learn to give and receive help.
Couples Therapy Can Help You And Your Partner Communicate Your Needs
At Access Therapy, your couples counsellor will foster a non-judgmental space where you and your partner can get comfortable with sharing your honest feelings and practice new ways of being vulnerable. Over time, your therapist will guide you in reframing your disagreements so that you can avoid defensiveness and address core issues with compassion and grace.
Your couples counsellor will take the time to build a trusting therapeutic relationship with you and your partner. Therapy can be an invitation to accept the help you need. Through treatment, you and your partner can learn to prioritize your relationship while gaining the courage to show up genuinely with each other.
What To Expect In Couples Therapy Sessions
Many couples run into communication roadblocks because they begin conversations from a position of moral judgment. In therapy, your therapist will help you and your partner shift to a needs-oriented communication style. Rather than starting emotionally charged conversations by blaming each other or making judgmental statements, you can speak from a place of vulnerability as you convey your own needs.
For example, instead of telling your partner, “You never listen and always ignore me because you don’t care about my feelings,” you’ll practice using statements like, "When you don't respond to what I say, I feel like we aren't on the same page. I need to feel connected in my relationships so it would help me if you could acknowledge what I have said.” Overall, you’ll also learn how to be a better listener when your partner is opening up to you.
During counselling, your therapist will help you and your partner identify the behavioural and communication patterns that might be hindering your connection as a couple. You’ll also evaluate your strengths as individuals and as a couple, harnessing these strengths to achieve positive outcomes for your relationship. Through counselling, you’ll focus on developing a productive approach to communication, increasing your intimacy and trust, and establishing healthy boundaries so that you can fulfil each other’s needs without sacrificing your own self-care.
Treatment Approaches for Couples Therapy
Your therapist will design a customized treatment plan based on your unique circumstances and goals as a couple. You’ll each delve into your own unmet needs and practice employing a compassionate communication style to share these needs with your partner.
To support you along this journey, your therapist will draw techniques from the Gottman method, which encourages partners to turn towards each other during tough discussions. You’ll learn the art of active listening and try paraphrasing each other’s points of view to limit misunderstandings. Furthermore, you’ll practice granting each other validation when it's needed and being more compassionate, even when conversations get heated.
Your therapist will also work with you on crucial conflict resolution strategies, which you can apply outside of sessions. Additionally, you’ll analyze the roots of any tough emotions like jealousy, resentment or hurt between you and your partner and navigate the resolution through accountability and caring.
You do not have to settle for a dynamic that leaves you both feeling unfulfilled. In couples counselling, you and your partner can nurture a tender, loving connection.
But You May Still Have Questions About Couples Therapy…
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If your relationship has felt strained for a while, it’s easy to assume that being vulnerable with your partner won’t make a difference or that they’ll respond poorly if you open up to them. But couples therapy can function as a safe space to share complicated feelings with your partner or even show them a new side of yourself. For instance, a therapist can walk you through authentic conversations about healing from past trauma, exploring your sexuality, or experimenting with a new relationship structure.
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The idea that couples should be able to overcome all of their problems without asking for help is a painful and limiting myth. Working with a therapist who provides neutral guidance can allow you to learn and grow together. Your therapist can support you in developing new communication skills and conflict-resolution strategies while strengthening your connection.
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Part of you might have given up on hope for the future of your relationship - but if you and your partner still care about each other, it’s worth going the extra mile to see if you can heal as a couple. Perhaps there are brighter days ahead, and by committing to couples therapy, you may be able to repair your challenging relationship dynamics.
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We know that it’s not always easy to find someone that has been there or that has the language and experience to help you navigate tricky dynamics in non-monogamy, but consensual non-monogamy is one of the specialties of the couples therapist at Access Therapy.
Whether you’re fresh to the idea of non-monogamy and want help introducing the concept to your primary partner or your multi-person polycule is navigating big life challenges, support is here.
You Can Restore Your Loving Connection With Your Partner
If you and your partner are ready to rebuild your relationship, pursuing therapy can help you move forward. To learn more about our practice, we encourage you to book a free 30-minute virtual consultation. If you’d like to schedule a session, please fill out our contact form.
