Is Talking with Friends the Same as Therapy?
When life begins to feel heavy, confusing, or overwhelming, it is completely natural for us to reach out to our friends. Maybe you’ve decided that you want to vent over coffee, send a late night text to see if they are free to chat, or maybe you want to take a walk together.
I would imagine that more often than not, you feel better afterwards, feeling a sensation of being less alone, a little more validated, and maybe even a little bit lighter?
So, it is really not surprising to me at all that people will often ask the question “Isn’t talking with friends just the same as therapy?” Certainly some shows or even commercials would have you think it is!
It’s a fair question, and to be honest, it’s based on something that is really beautiful. The fact that we are able to find this type of comfort and support within our friendships is something to celebrate.
But, as similar as these two experiences might feel to us, talking to a friend and talking to a therapist are not quite the same. Understanding these differences can help you to make a clearer decision about what kind of support you need and when you need it.
How Friends Help
Let’s start with what friends can do really well when we are asking them for support.
They show up for us.
They listen.
They say things like “Wow that really sucks” and genuinely mean it.
They have our backs and will often side with our perspectives, beliefs and choices in a situation.
They can make us laugh even when things are feeling too serious.
Sometimes they just sit beside us in silence when words aren’t enough.
Good friends are one of the most important aspects in our lives. They offer us emotional support, shared experiences, and real-time presence.
However, even the best friendships have their limits, especially when it comes to navigating complex emotions or making meaningful and lasting change. Most friends, no matter how loving they may be, are not trained to hold space for trauma, challenge self-limiting beliefs, or to guide us through anxiety or grief in a way that helps to lead us to long-term growth.
And this is where therapy comes in.
Why see a Therapist
Therapists are trained professionals who have the skills and knowledge to help you work through your emotional struggles, understand thought/behaviour patterns, and guide you in developing tools to build resilience. Therapy is a space that is focused entirely on you, not in a selfish way, but in a way that is designed to help you to dig deeper, reflect more clearly, and understand what is going on inside.
It’s not a conversation where both people take turns to vent. It’s a process focused specifically on your healing, growth, and self-understanding.
Friends are emotionally invested in your life meaning that their investment can make it hard for them to be neutral. They might tell you what you want to hear or may share their own stories and opinions because that is how we connect socially.
They might unknowingly offer you advice based on their own experiences, rather than helping you to reflect on what could work best for you.
A therapist on the other hand, brings a unique mix of compassion and objectivity. They are not there to take any sides or to offer you quick fixes. Instead, they can help you to explore your thoughts and feelings with curiosity. They are there to challenge your assumptions, encourage you to question long-standing patterns, and help you uncover some insights that you may not have noticed before. The therapeutic relationship is confidential, structured, and designed in a way to help you to move towards your goals at your own pace.
Now this is not to say that therapy is always serious or clinical. It can can certainly include laughter, connection, and warmth. But unlike in our friendships, you do not have to give anything back in return. You never have to worry about being a “burden” or taking up too much space.
The time is completely and unapologetically yours to discuss what you need to talk about.
Friends & Therapists as a Support System
This certainly doesn’t mean that you should stop leaning on your friends for support.
Friends and therapists can coexist in your support system, and in fact, both support systems can work very well together. You might be processing a tough realization in therapy, then afterwards you can turn to your friends for comfort. Or you may be talking to your friends about how therapy has been helping you to grow, which can also deepen your connection with them.
Therapy can also help us to strengthen our relationships by offering us the tools to communicate more clearly, set healthy boundaries in our lives, and to understand their emotional needs. You may even notice that you are showing up differently in your friendships (in a good way!) once you have had the space to unpack things in therapy first.
There will certainly be times when therapy is the better choice.
If you are finding yourself routinely engaging in the same emotional loop, and not sure why you keep repeating certain behaviours, or are struggling with sadness, anxiety, or shame that feels as though it is overwhelming, those are clear signs that you could benefit from a deeper level of support. If you are worried that you will be unloading too much onto your friends or feel as though your struggles are too much to handle alone, that is another great reason to consider going to therapy.
Even if your life is feeling like it is relatively steady, therapy can still offer you value. Therapy is a safe and non-judgmental space where you can feel comfortable to explore your identity, examine your goals in life, and truly reflect on your relationships in a deep and meaningful way. You do not need to be in a crisis to benefit from therapy. You just need to be curious, open, and willing to learn more about yourself.
Friends aren’t Therapists
At the end of the day, both our friendship and therapy are about having a strong and safe connection. They just offer different kinds. Friendships are reciprocal, informal, and based in shared experiences. Whereas therapy is professional, focused, and intentionally designed in a way to help you to grow. One is not “better” than the other, they just serve a different purpose.
So, the next time you are feeling torn between calling a friend or considering therapy, truly ask yourself:
What is it that I need right now? Do I need comfort and friendship, or do I need guidance and insight? Both are valid and valuable. And both can offer you with the support needed as you navigate different parts of your journey.
Find a Therapist at Access Therapy
If you find yourself seeking more therapeutic guidance then we encourage you to reach out.
At Access Therapy, our Hamilton therapists specialize in different therapy styles and offer a range of services tailored to your goals.
Book a free consultation with us today to chat with a human about your needs. No pressure, it’s your chance to see if therapy is the right step in your journey. Access Therapy can equip you with the tools to flourish in the life you’ve built for yourself!
