A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Compassion

Please note: our blog posts are solely informational and are not meant to replace individualized therapeutic advice or healthcare.

In our fast-paced, often self-critical world, the idea of self-compassion might sound like a foreign concept. There may even be a “cringe factor” for some, as self-compassion challenges beliefs that being hard on oneself is necessary to spark motivation and a drive for self-improvement. We’re often taught to be our own toughest critics, pushing ourselves to achieve and do more. But what if we told you that learning to be kinder to yourself can actually lead to improved mental health and a happier, more fulfilled life? Indeed, this is what the research shows and where self-compassion comes in.

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same loving kindness, care, and understanding that you would offer to a loved one in the face of personal inadequacies, failures, and experiences of suffering. It is an antidote to suffering. It involves acknowledging your pain and imperfections without judgment, self-criticism, or harsh expectations. Instead, it encourages self-kindness, mindfulness, and a sense of common humanity in which you are not alone in your suffering.  

Why Self-Compassion Matters

Self-compassion is consistently linked with decreased emotional distress and improved wellbeing, quality of life, and coping under stress (Ewert et al., 2021; Jarecki et al., 2020). It provides a buffer against the negative impacts of self-criticism and perfectionism. Embracing self-compassion has also been linked to increased resilience, allowing you to bounce back faster after setbacks and challenges (Neff, 2021; Stevens & Woodruff, 2018). In other words, you become better equipped to cope with life’s ups and downs. In addition, and in contrast to worries that self-compassion leads to complacency, self-compassion has been consistently associated with increased intrinsic motivation (Zessin et al., 2015). Lastly, it has been shown to enhance self-esteem, as self-compassion allows you to derive your self-worth from within, rather than relying on external validation (Stevens & Woodruff, 2018). As you can see, the case for self-compassion is strong!

Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Compassion

Self-Compassion Self-Talk: Replace harsh criticism with kind and supportive self-talk. Imagine what you would say to a friend in your situation and offer the same words of encouragement to yourself.

Journaling: Keep a self-compassion journal to record your thoughts and feelings with openness and nonjudgment. Here are two sample journal prompts:

• Reflect on a recent situation where you experienced self-criticism or feelings of inadequacy. Write yourself a letter from the perspective of a compassionate friend. Ask yourself, what would a kind and compassionate friend say to me now? Then read this letter back and allow yourself to receive these loving words.

• Write about a challenging situation or mistake you made in the past, noting all emotions that arise as you reflect. Be honest about any self-blame or regret you feel. Then reframe this situation from a self-compassionate perspective that demonstrates loving kindness and acknowledges your shared humanity.

Practice Loving Kindness Meditation: Practicing loving kindness meditation has been linked with increased mental wellbeing and self-compassion (Zeng et al., 2015). Search YouTube or your favourite meditation apps for loving kindness meditations and engage in them to cultivate more self-compassion.

Seek Support: Reach out to a therapist who can help you develop self-compassion and address any roadblocks that may be hindering your personal growth and well being.

In conclusion, self-compassion is not a sign of weakness or self-indulgence. It is a vital tool for building resilience, improving mental health, and leading a more balanced and fulfilling life. Remember that, like any skill, it takes practice and patience. Be kind to yourself along the way, understanding that learning to be kind to yourself is a process that unfolds over time, just as your relationship with yourself does.   

Sources:

Ewert, C., Vater, A., & Schröder-Abé, M. (2021). Self-compassion and coping: A meta-analysis. Mindfulness, 12(5), 1063–1077. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-020-01563-8

Jarecki, J., Choudhuri, S., Riddell, T. (2020). The role of self-compassion in health and wellbeing. In A. Hategan, K. Saperson, S. Harms, & H. Walters (Eds.), Humanism and Resilience in Residency Training (pp. 49-78). Springer.

Neff, K. D. (2021). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. Hodder & Stoughton.

Stevens, L., & Woodruff, C. C. (2018). The neuroscience of empathy, compassion, and self-compassion. Elsevier Academic press.

Zeng, X., Chiu, C. P., Wang, R., Oei, T. P., & Leung, F. Y. (2015). The effect of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions: A meta-analytic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 6. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01693

Zessin, U., Dickhäuser, O., & Garbade, S. (2015). The relationship between self-compassion and well-being: A meta-analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 7(3), 340–364. https://doi.org/10.1111/aphw.12051